


End Of An Era

by tarjas_reign



Category: Nightwish, Tarja Turunen - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Nightwish - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 09:16:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4741001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarjas_reign/pseuds/tarjas_reign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you do something even though you know it's a mistake. Sometimes you hurt people even though you love them. And sometimes you remain silent even though you should have said something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	End Of An Era

When the last note of _Wish I Had An Angel_ faded away and the fans started cheering and clapping louder than ever before, Tuomas felt his heart sinking. This was the moment he had been so afraid of for the last weeks. The moment after this last song. The concert had been great, he knew that and the fans showed them that; but for Tuomas there was no reason to cheer at all. It was not only the concert that was over - it was the end of an era.  
Sadly he looked over at Tarja who beamed at their fans, not aware of what was about to happen, not knowing how drastically her life would change within the next twenty-four hours. Tuomas started to doubt his decision again when he looked at Tarja but then he closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He had to do this; he couldn't endure it any longer. But as much as he hated the current situation he also hated hurting Tarja. She didn't deserve any of this and Tuomas knew that he was acting more than selfish but he couldn't help it; his pain was just too strong. He had tried to control his feelings, had tried to hide them and to live with them but he couldn't do it anymore. He felt his heart breaking every time he looked at Tarja, knowing that he could never stop his feelings for her but that she'd never return them. 

The crowd was still cheering and Tuomas tried to act as normally as possible while thanking their fans. But when they bowed to the clapping and screaming audience he got nervous again. He was such a hypocrite; standing next to the woman he loved, holding her hand and smiling while he was about to destroy her life.   
Tarja's hand felt warm and soft in his and Tuomas swallowed hardly. Carefully, he glimpsed over at her; she smiled widely and seemed to be joyfully happy. But Tuomas was the one who would make that smile disappear from her face. He was the one who would hurt her and make her cry and he hated himself for that. But he just couldn't see another option. It destroyed him to see Tarja with her husband; he had tried to deal with it, with the fact that she was unreachable to him; but it was impossible. Tuomas loved her from the bottom of his heart and he couldn't bare that unrequited love anymore. He had made his decision and even though he knew it was wrong - he had to do it. 

When Nightwish finally left the stage, Tuomas felt his heart racing in his chest and he felt more awful than ever before.   
"That was awesome!", Tarja said, still smiling, her eyes full of happiness. Marco nodded before they all hugged each other like always, but this time four of them knew that it would be the last time. It broke Tuomas heart when he wrapped his arms around Tarja - for the last time in his life - and he wished nothing more than that this moment would last forever. But it didn't; Tarja eventually freed herself from him and Tuomas had to fight back the tears. He saw Emppu looking at Tarja sadly - it wasn't easy for the others as well. After Tuomas had told them everything, they hadn't been happy with his decision. But they had also seen how much he suffered from his love and after a few failed attempts to change his mind they had finally agreed. All of them had signed the letter; a letter full of lies.   
Confused, Tarja looked at her band mates. "Is something wrong?", she asked. Emppu shrugged but didn't dare to look anyone in the eyes so he only let his gaze wander through the room and Jukka looked at Tuomas nervously, who still couldn't take his eyes off of Tarja. Finally, Marco cleared his throat. "Tuomas? Shall we?" Tuomas turned his head and looked at the bassist, a desperate expression on his face but he didn't move. "Come on, Tuomas", Emppu mumbled, "give her the letter." Now Tarja looked at them with a hint of suspicion. "What letter? What's going on here?" Tuomas still couldn't move. He didn't want this to happen, he didn't want to hurt her but he had to. "Tuomas." Marco said emphatically. Tuomas took a deep breath and finally decided to get it over with.   
Slowly, like in trance he walked over to the wardrobe, pulled the letter out of the pocket of his jacket and went back to the other band members. 

Tuomas stood right in front of Tarja, the letter in his trembling hands. The moment was there. Here he stood and there was nothing he could do anymore. Tarja looked at the letter in Tuomas' hands. "What is this?" Her voice was calm; she seemed rather curious than scared. Tuomas swallowed and tried to fight against the tears. He had never hated himself so much before. "Tarja... Please promise that you'll open this tomorrow..." Tarja looked at him and for the first time he thought he saw a little bit fear in her gaze. "What is this about?", she asked and looked at the four men. Tuomas felt terrible. He wanted to hug her, wanted to tell her what he felt for her and how sorry he was but he couldn't. He tried to smile weakly but failed miserably. "Please Tarja. Just promise it. It is -" his voice broke as he looked into her beautiful green eyes. He would never see them again. After this night, she would never even look at him again; she would hate him and never forgive him for what he was about to do to her. A single tear ran down his cheek when he thought about the last nine years. They had had such a wonderful time together, had shared so many important moments and had become so good friends. Tarja had always been the most important person in his life, and he couldn't believe that they had ended up here.   
Suddenly Tuomas felt a hand on his shoulder and Emppu whispered: "Tuomas, give it to her. You don't make it better; you know this is the only way." Tuomas still looked at Tarja, the woman he loved more than anything else in the world. "No...", he mumbled, suddenly aware of what he had to do, "No Emppu, this is not the only way." The guitarist looked at him confused, and so did anyone else when Tuomas wrapped both hands around the envelope and ripped it into two pieces. "Tuomas! What the hell are you doing!?", Marco screamed and looked nervously at Tarja who didn't say a word but watched Tuomas suspiciously. "Not being a selfish coward!" Tuomas stated and tore the letter into a million little pieces that fell to the ground like snowflakes. 

Tuomas felt the guys staring at him, but he didn't care about it. There was only Tarja who looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation. Tuomas' heart was beating like hell while he still focused Tarja's green eyes and prepared the words he wanted to say to her. Words he had already thought uncountable times, every time he had looked at her. Though he had never dared to say them to her since he had been too scared of ruining their friendship. But he couldn't remain silent anymore, not if the alternative was to ruin her life by kicking her out of the band. Tarja deserved to know the truth; his situation couldn't get worse anyway.   
So Tuomas took a last deep breath and finally said the words he already should have said so long ago: "I love you, Tarja." 

His words were followed by a long silence. Tarja looked at him in a mixture of surprise, shock and disbelief. Tuomas' hands were trembling horribly and he felt as if he could faint any moment. "Really?" Tarja whispered and Tuomas could see the tears in her eyes. His mouth was dry when he started to talk again. "Yes I do, I always did. And I know that you are married and don't feel the same, but I needed to tell you this. I can't imagine my life without you, Tarja." He looked at the destroyed letter on the ground and he knew that he had made the right decision. Tarja smiled at him, while tears were running over her face. Then, all of a sudden, she wrapped her arms around Tuomas and in the next moment he felt her soft lips on his own. Surprised, Tuomas first hesitated but then kissed her back. 

After a few beautiful moments which felt like an eternity to Tuomas, they pulled away from each other.   
He couldn't believe what just had happened; Tarja had kissed him! He had told her that he loved her and she had kissed him. He couldn't think clearly, he had never expected this and it overwhelmed him completely.   
"I love you too."   
Tarja's words needed a while to reach him. And then Tuomas was sure that he had misunderstood her. But Tarja smiled and kissed him again. "I love you so much, Tuomas!", she whispered. Tuomas looked at her as if he had never seen her before, her words echoing in his head. The whole situation felt so unreal to him and he feared to wake up from this wonderful dream every moment.   
"Well, it's great that you two seem to be so happy, but may I remind you that you are married, Tarja? What about Marcelo?" For some time Tuomas had totally forgotten about the other guys. There had only been Tarja and him, but now he was pulled back into reality by Marco's words. He looked at Tarja questioning. Yes, she had said that she loved him, but it was Marcelo who she was married to, so she probably loved him more. Tarja swallowed and looked down. "To be honest... I've been in love with you for years, Tuomas. But I never thought that you would feel the same and that's why I married Marcelo. I thought it would help me to get over you and that someday I could love him the way I loved you, but it didn't work... Of course, I like him and he's really important to me but it's not the same than with you!" Tuomas couldn't believe it. Tears of happiness welled up in his eyes while he pulled Tarja in his arms carefully. Emppu started applauding and the other two joined him right away when Tuomas kissed Tarja again. Suddenly he felt as if several hours had passed since the concert and since he had been about to fire Tarja. All of that seemed so far away, as if it had happened to someone else. So Tuomas was a little bit confused at first when Tarja pointed at the paper scraps on the floor. "Now I'm curious, guys. What did this mysterious later say, before Tuomas decided to get rid of it?" Marco made some indefinable gestures while Emppu tried to leave the room unobtrusively till Jukka grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Tuomas sighed and looked at the ground embarrassed. "I am so sorry Tarja, but we intended to fire you... with that letter..." As Tuomas said these words to her, he realized how awful they sounded. He had been cold, cruel and selfish and suddenly he was afraid that Tarja would change her mind after this revelation and go back to her husband. But she deserved to know the truth. Tarja looked at him sadly and had tears in her eyes again. "Why?" It broke Tuomas' heart and he hated himself for what he had wanted to do. "I thought it was the only way to deal with my love. It destroyed me to see you with Marcelo... I was such a coward Tarja and I am so, so sorry! Please forgive me." Tarja seemed to think about this new information for a while, then she sighed. "I agree, it wasn't a really good idea, but I understand you. And if it hadn't been because of the letter, you probably never would have told me what you felt for me, so I guess I can consider myself lucky." She smiled at him, and relieved he put his arms around her, still asking himself how he deserved all of this. 

He had never believed that this could happen, that Tarja could feel the same for him. He had been absolutely sure that he'd never see her again after this night and that he would eventually die alone, still secretly longing for the woman he had once called his friend. But now he stood there, holding her in his arms and gently caressing her back. "I love you.", he whispered. The day had ended so differently from what he had expected, but since his loneliness was finally over it had definitely been the _End Of An Era._


End file.
